Background: During my freshman year at UM,the old group (me, Sarah, Jenny, Ian) went to Chi Chi's for lunch. Me and Ian just wanted a traditional non-adventurous American meal, so we each ordered the buffalo wings. Were we in for a surprise. What we were served were two plates of the most disgusting, odorous, rancid, neon orange glowing pieces of straight up shit we had ever imagined, or would ever dare to imagine again. Enjoy.
Top 100 uses for Chi Chi's buffalo wings
100. food (for starving people)
99. keep vampires away
98. chasing shots of vodka
97. pesticides
96. witches' brews
95. destroying tastebuds
94. chemical warfare
93. something to piss on when the toilet's broken
92. riot control
91. mouse poison
90. making people cry
89. gag gifts
88. bizzar sexual practices
87. testing a material's resistance to corrosion
86. something to scare away the neighbor's bastard children
85. self defense
84. getting sick to miss school
83. making your breath smell like open ass
82. placing next to a sleeping person so that people will think
he died and is starting to rot
81. dropping off of balconies
80. blinding people
79. rat poison
78. placing in someone's car when they're not looking
77. punishing children who use foul language
76. target shooting
75. valentine's day gift to your ex
74. getting a free ride in an ambulence, helicopter if you're lucky
73. birthday parties for the damned
72. halloween decorations
71. committing suicide after watching a UofM basketball game
70. finding out what the inside of somebody's ass would taste like
69. hehehe...69
68. the dare in truth or dare
67. convincing the judge you're insane
66. something to piss on when the toilet is not broken
65. giving yourself an ass rash
64. clogging up the sewers
63. circus freak shows
62. food for pets you don't love anymore
61. scientific research
60. bringing to a party of someone you hate
59. left in mailboxes by disgruntled mailmen
58. weapons
57. pissing off your roommate
56. flingin' at old people for kicks
55. cruel and unusual punishments (Singapore only)
54. hiding the smell of weed
53. wingin'houses or buildings
52. used by atheists to convince people there is no god
51. used by devout christians to convince people
there is a god and that an eternity of Chi Chi's wings awaits all who live in sin
50. fake shit
49. various uses at mullet gatherings
48. frat initiations
47. perfume for sasquatch
46. high visibility markers, like orange cones
45. keeping evil spirits away
44. keeping good spirits away too
43. fired out of cannons at the enemy
42. a cheap way to make yourself sterile
41. ruining people's clothes
40. making people nauseous
39. wingin' obnoxious people
38. causing heart attacks
37. something to piss on when you're just bored
36. getting ready for a shittin' contest (they still have them down south)
35. wingin' monkeys at the zoo
34. causing pet turtles to mutate into teenage mutant ninja turtles
33. a possible theory on why the dinosaurs went extinct
32. scary campfire stories
31. Sold to indecisive ChiChi's customers when they
find out that they are out of hamburgers
30. Torture
29. nick name kids use to tease eachother, like
calling somebody a turd.
28. legend has it that if you put a ChiChi wing under
you pillow and pass out from the stench, when you
wake up, the Dirty Sanchez Fairy will have visited
you and shit all over your bedroom
27. used to fill a huge vat, then you throw some
sandies in the vat and let them wallow around till
they die, serves the bastards right
26. i think they were eating these when they filmed
Dude, Wheres My Car?
25. Marilyn Manson likes to toss these around during
one of his sick performances
24. Pokey Sticks in poor unfortunate Mexican towns
23. pagan rituals
22. sent as hatemail
21. billy's food
20. paint stripping
19. ammo for those giant waterballoon launching sling-shot
things
18. stickin in somebody's browneye, you dont need a reason
17. used by nazis for killing jews
16. they say davis once tried to use them as a method of
body hair removal
15. agent orange (i think thats where they got their color)
14. used to cover up the stench from poniksnatch's snatch
13. causin lepracy
12. abortion in the ghetto (If you eat one supposedly it
will kill the fetus, but if it doesnt work, the baby
will be born severely retarded.)
11. gettin really fucked up
10. MREs
9. fishing (throw one in the water and all the fish die and float to the surface)
8. just plain ol' stinkin' up the joint
7. tests of bravery and manhood
6. inducing diarhea
5. stink bombs in lockers
4. inducing vomiting
3. putting in a flaming paper bag on doorsteps
2. wingin' uno
1. aiding in the arrival of the Shit of Shits