Many people have quotes on their webpages or profiles. The only problem is that usually these quotes are gay. They are clearly supposed to be inspirational, but all they inspire me to do is vomit. After some brainstorming, I came up with some quotes of my own, and borrowed a few from the most triumphant of sources. (Bill and Ted reference)

Mother Nature started the fight for survival, and now because she's losing she wants to back out? Well I say Hard Cheese.
-C. Montgomery Burns

Why should the contest always go to the strong? Or the race to the swift? I say cheating is the gift man gives himself.
-C. Montgomery Burns

Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here. This stuff will make you a God damn sexual tyranosaurus. Just like me.
-Jesse Ventura, Predator

When life gives you lemons, fuck the lemonade. Get really pissed and throw the lemons back and say, "I don't want your God damn lemons, you BITCH!"
-Me

The cornered mouse will attack the cat.
-Unknown

Your eyes are full of hate. That's good! Hate keeps a man alive.
-Quintas Arius (Ben Hur)

You can solve 90% of life's problems by running away
-Me

Women are like sunsets, they're beautiful, but tomorrow there will be a new one.
-Gilder (Skies of Arcadia)

Shit only stinks if you smell it.
-Me

Why piss in a toilet when you can piss out a window?
-Me

If God had not intended for Man to laugh, He would not have created retards.
-Me

Sew a man's Airborne patches on and he will look Airborne. Teach a man to sew his own patches on and he will leave you the hell alone.
-Matt Horning

If a deaf man pees in the woods and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
-Me

Life is a game, kind of like Candy Land, except with less candy, and not half as gay.
-Me

Turd.
-SSG Beavers

He who goes to bed with itchy butt, wakes with stinky finger.
-Native America Proverb


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