The Shit of Shits

by Pete

Gather 'round my children and I will tell you the legend of the Shit of Shits. I decided to document this legend after discussing one of the side effects of a night of drinking with a friend of mine.

The Shit of Shits is a horrible, nasty shit. He knows no fear. He knows no mercy. His victims...countless. He is a sly, sneaky shit. He strikes without warning. You'll feel fine...no problems...hardly have a stomach ache...then...suddenly...HE'S THERE! Right at the very end of you asshole, a millimeter away from destroying you party pants. He is an impatient shit. And when his patience runs out...there is no stopping him. All you can you can do is run, run for your very life, your ass muscles doing their best to hold him back. But you know defeat is inevitable, The Shit of Shits will triumph.

When the Shit of Shits' patience runs out (God willing, you've made it to a bathroom by now) it is a most terrifying experience. He comes out at an extremely high pressure, the noise is the most disgusting, spine-tingling sound man has ever known. The Shit of Shits was once described (by me) as "vomiting out of my ass."

There is nothing we mere mortals can do. The Shit os Shits is our master. We must serve him well, and try our very best not to anger him. Tread lightly my children, tis a dangerous game we play.


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