I like retards. I think they're funny. I've heard that I'm not supposed to laugh at them, but I thought that was what they were for. Like before the days of stand up and comedy clubs, mother nature was kind enough to provide us with some tards.
Besides, I think they like it too. When I was in school there was this retard who used to shit his pants all the time. He even shit in the pool and on the gym floor once. The more we laughed the more he laughed, and the more he shit too. Everybody was happy.....except the janitor, but who cares about him?
Sometimes people get pissed if you say "Retard" or "Tard." This girl used to get all upset whenever we would say "Retard." She would get a really surprised and offended look on her face. I think that just made us want to say it more. We tried to use Pig-Latin to fool her, but "Etard-Ray" just wasn't subtle enough.
Eventually we started saying "Special" when we were around her, and for a while she was content. But the context in which we used it still offended her:
"What!? Are you fucking special!? You want pineapples on your pizza!?"
So we just went back to saying retard.
Anyway, all I'm really trying to say here is that I think retards are pretty cool sometimes.
Midgets (sometimes called Midges or Midgies for short) are pretty cool too, I guess. One time when I was drunk I saw a midge and I started singing "oompa loompa doompa dee doo..." but I think that wasn't very nice.
All in all, I'm probably not a huge midge fan the way most guys are. But I think when you combine Midgets and Retards you get something totally awesome!
A retarded midge? Fuck no! Who wants one of those?
I'm talking about this:
That's right Baby! Master Blaster! Who runs Barter Town?
Even though Beyond Thunderdome was easliy the dumbest of the Mad Max Trilogy (Tina Turner? I mean, come on. Who the hell thought putting Tina Turner in any movie was a good idea?) Master Blaster is probably the sweetest character from the whole Mad Max series. What could be more awe inspiring than a midge riding around on a big tard?
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